A Rant That Will Never Be Heard. (RENAMED: A Rant That Was Once Heard by One Person)

I was told I can be whomever I please.

I do not want to be me anymore.

I want to begin again.

Let me forget what love feels like,

because it surely doesn't feel like this.

This is heartbreak.

This is me falling apart inside-out.

This is a problem.

A problem only I have to face.

A problem that makes me look like a disgrace,

as crazy as my mother once was.. 

Who am I to say anything about how I feel and it actually

matter?

You have forgotten who you are.

You have run to the deepest part of you.

You will never give me peace.

You will avoid me no matter the costs.

I am sorry.

I tried.

Then Life happened, and we couldn't control it, and I was stressed and so were you 

and things got overwhelming and you freaked out

and you saw me losing it too

and it caused a delay or two...

You decided that it was time to leave.

A brand new start I wasn't able to have.

Something you couldn't or maybe wouldn't share.

Then Death happened.

Death took my mom.

Death left me broken.

Death left me empty.

While Life was still expecting me to carry on as if it was just 

another day.

I thought I could call you. Maybe you would finally talk to me.

But I still felt like a burden so I didn't message you as much

as I wanted to call you.

As much as I wanted to drive to you.

You did not even act like it happened just like everyone else.

And then when it faced you,

you shoved me away. 

Like I was too much work.

Like I was too much.

Thanks. Asshole.

At least I did it. At least while facing something so dark,

I got up and spoke my Truth.

I was not afraid.

I did not let someone else hold my hand,

while I signed the papers

while I called the detectives

while I closed her bank account

while I could have been my most vulnerable.

I stood up for myself and spoke the Truth loud.

How about you?

Or are you still the coward you have chosen to be?